Today I realize fully and completely that I am finished with needing to take care of people. As I deepen my understanding of myself, I see that by taking care of others I have felt needed, worthy, validated, important. See, I really AM somebody, I told myself.
But today, today I am wiping my hands of all of it. My need to be a caregiver no longer fits. I am validation enough – just by being myself. Caregiving is now something I do to support my child, but I sure don’t need it anymore to make me feel like I have a purpose in life.
It’s time for me. It’s my turn to be, to allow myself to fully express who I am, just for me.
Others in my family are having a bit of a challenge with that, still expecting me to behave as I have done in the past. Arranging, coordinating, figuring things out, nurturing, stepping in to help so they didn’t have to – that’s my previous m.o. I’m watching them in their discomfort as they get used to stepping up for themselves. Even though it’s growth for them and me, it’s not comfortable right now.
I’m watching myself shift my old automatic patterns of coming to the rescue to make things easier for them. I see it all for what it is: growth, like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon, it uncomfortable and a bit unnatural just before we see how beautiful our new wings are.